I sat here this morning and cried my eyes out. Just when I thought I was feeling better, I cried some more.
As I type this post...I will cry some more.
The first man I ever loved was my dad. A man that I miss more than I can ever describe. My heart breaks to think that my baby girl will not meet him and that I won't get to see him enjoying his little granddaughter. She won't know the man I called "dad" and won't get to enjoy the special ways that he spoiled me. She won't get to enjoy the Saturday mornings we spent snuggled up on the couch watching cartoons, eating fried cheerios. She won't ever get to go fishing with him and get dropped in the lake with her life jacket on, just to prove she can float and survive. (I promise, that was a good memory and a start to me wanting to swim my life away!) She won't learn to ride a bike with him like I did (no pussy footing around, he gave me a big ole' shove and away I went...it was stopping that threw me for a loop...he told me to ride into the yard and wipe out in the grass!). She'll never hear the jingle of change in his pockets or his jolly laugh. She'll only see his loving smile and rosy cheeks in pictures, the few that I have. She'll never hear him sip his coffee or get to taste his most amazing cooking. There are so many things about my dad that I remember and it breaks my heart that my little girl won't get to make those memories with him as well.
It's hard to be SO HAPPY about bringing someone in to the world while hurting so much over the loss of another. It has been almost 6 years since I lost my dad, but some days the wound still feels pretty fresh.
If you can, give your dad a hug today and cherish the time you have with him.
New Book Alert! A Tale of Woe With a Happy Ending
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11 years ago
I never knew either of my grandpas. Though you don't want to hear this, I can tell you that sometimes that is hard. I always wonder if my mom looks like my grandpa or if my dad gets his humor from his dad, and I'll never know what I inherited from either one of them. But what you'll be glad to know is that every story you tell her about all the memories you have- even the small things like him sipping his coffee will be captivating. She'll get to hear how wonderful he was and know him through your stories. As a girl that didn't get to hear my grandpas laugh either, I ask that you tell her all the stories and show all the pictures of him that you can. My parents didn't always do that (for various reasons) and I wished they had. I was never really sure if I could even talk about them. You'll keep his memory a part of her life and that will suffice.
ReplyDeleteI am fortunate to have a step grandpa that is truly the most amazing person I've ever met. You're daughter will have one grandpa so she'll know the meaning of the word. Partnered with the memories you share, she'll be alright. It sucks that she won't make new memories with him, and I can imagine that's the hardest part. If you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to- I'm here for you.
♥
ReplyDeleteI miss uncle Bill too
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