Today, my focus is in getting through Mother's Day. While I have made huge turning points in my life with regards to my feelings about infertility and having or not having children, Mother's Day is still very hard. I can't count the times, especially in the past 5 years, that random strangers have wished me a "Happy Mother's Day." Really? I don't find this holiday happy after three miscarriages. I know that Mother's Day should be about my mother and my grandmother (that raised me for a portion of my life), but I have a hard time focusing on that when I am so busy trying to become a mother myself.
I keep hoping and praying that someday I will be a mother, and that someday I will be able to enjoy this day as other mothers do.
On the cycle front...without looking at a calendar or previous blog posts I have no idea what day I am on. It's a great feeling. As much as I am dying to get pregnant, I love the freedom of not trying. So, I am making a blind guess that sometime in the next 2 weeks we will be starting another cycle. Hopefully Brian will be home from Arizona soon...he has been asked to extend his trip and hopes to be home Thursday or Friday.
Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens - The Main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.
~John Steinbeck
Good for you for not obsessing during your time off. Me, I'd be counting down the days and calculating when each part of my next cycle would be happening. I suppose in some way that's how I got through it all, just focusing on the next step instead of thinking about all the steps behind me. Hang in there, lady, I'm rooting for you!
ReplyDeleteRooting for you and know that someday I will be sending you a happy, happy mother's day wish.
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