Thinking About Today

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
~Buddha


I am learning that it is sometimes really hard to let go of everything else and just concentrate on the present moment.  I struggle to stay focused on my homework and find myself lost in thought...sometimes for more than an hour at a time...  I can't even count the time that I have spent on the phone this week trying to straighten out the shenanigans that I ran in to with having a simple blood test done...


Also...there are some really stupid people in this world.  I have never had an issue with going to the OB lab...quite frankly, I love seeing pregnant women...to me they are an inspiration and they are beautiful.  Except for yesterday's smart one...I went in for an early morning lab and was there even before the window opened.  This cute, smiling, very pregnant lady waddled in and sat down across from me.  She looked up with a glowing smile on her face, wrinkled her nose, and asked "Are you here for the stupid three-hour test too?"  My reply, initially, was a very curt "no."  And then, without warning, out of my mouth came the following words: "I'm not even pregnant...I'm here for an infertility follow-up."  OMG!!!  Her face turned really red and she buried her face in a magazine.  We sat together, uncomfortably, for 20 minutes.  Today I feel a little bad for being so sharp with her, but really??  That one stuck with me yesterday...and I think it still pisses me off a little today.  Think before you speak people...I know she probably will after yesterday.


I better cleanse myself of that one...I think I've been letting the negative energy creep in...


So...results finally in, we have our next step.  My progesterone is continuing to rise, so the doctor thinks I did ovulate too early.  He wants me to take Dexamethasone until I am pregnant.  Dexamethasone is often use as an adjunct to ovulation induction treatment, especially in patients with hirsutism who have high levels of androgens. It helps by suppressing the production of androgens by the adrenal glands. The dose is usually a 0.5 mg tablet, taken daily at bedtime. Side-effects at such a low dose are unusual. Some IVF clinics also use steroids after embryo transfer, because they believe this helps to improve pregnancy rates by inducing immune suppression and enhancing embryo implantation rates.  I guess it can't hurt to try, right?  I will also run another course of Clomid 150 mg and then Ovidrel.  (Hopefully we get that far this time.)


I bared my soul to a few people this week...some that read the blog and one or two that I am pretty sure don't...and I want to thank each one of them for listening.  This is going to be a bumpy road...already has been...but it will be well worth the travels when we get to our dream destination.  Parenthood is something I have dreamed about since I was a really little girl.  I remember playing house and thinking of names for my children, and I remember always wanting 6 kids.  (EEK!!)  While I would still love to have 4 or 5 kids...it would mean more than anything to me to even have just one.  It is the biggest thing that I really want to accomplish in my life.  The rest is up in the air, and I am ok with that, as long as I have a child (or MANY children) to share my love with.


I have more thoughts to share...but I really want to at least get this out tonight.


Love to all and THANK YOU for the continued support.  :)